| Episode 6 - The Amazing Mr. Bamt
<Inside Jetstorm's Quarters> Jetstorm: Haha! Pika pika! That's so cute! Haha! NickBee: I don't get it. Jetstorm: Quiet, he's beating up Jesse and James! NickBee: Right... Jetstorm: <with the TV> "It looks like team rocket is blasting off agaaaaaaain!" NickBee: Are you still wearing that sticker? Jetstorm: Don't touch that! It's a souvenir! NickBee: This blows Ricky Martin. I'm going outside to practice my dance steps. Jetstorm: Have fun. The TV goes blank. Jetstorm: Slag! He pounds on the set. <The Maximal Base> Primal: This is horrible, horrible! Nightscream: What's up, boss? Primal: The cable just went out! I was watching "The Matrix," you know, looking for inspiration. Buddha Buddha Buddha! Nightscream: Why didn't you just interface with the Oracle? Primal: Because... I believe someone has tampered with the Oracle. Dum dum DUM! Nightscream: Where did that come from? Rattrap transforms and shoots Nightscream in the wing. Rattrap: Shut up. What was that about the Oracle, boss-monkey? Primal: Nothing important. Oh, where were we? Ah, yes... We are here today to acknowledge our dear departed friend, Rhinox... <At the Citadel entrance> Nickbee and his BumbleCons are out in front doing a dance number. NickBee: And 1, 2, 3, kick, sliiide, 6, 7, turn! 1, 2, jump, sliiiide, kick!, 6, 7, turn! A bumblecon falls out of formation, causing an entire row to collapse. NickBee: You bumbling idiot! You're messing up my routine! Do you know how long it took me to put this together? Do you!? NickBee cries mech-fluid. Megatron: <from inside the Citadel> NickBee!! Nickbee: Uh oh, vending-machine-dragon boy sounds mad. Take five everyone. We'll shoot the video tomorrow. Megatron: NickBee!! NickBee: Yeah, I'm coming. Why don't you get me a Mellow Yellow, while you're at it... Megatron: I heard that! NickBee: Crap. <Back inside> The three surviving Vehicons, Jetstorm, NickBee, and Thrust stand before Megatron. Megatron: When was the last time you saw Tankorr? That is... before his demise. The Vehicons think. <flashback> Inside the converted lab/warehouse from A Day in the Life... Jetstorm: What the slag are you pointing at? NickBee: This. NickBee peels a sticker from Jetstorm's head. Jetstorm: What does it say? Thrust: Weren't you paying attention last episode? Jetstorm: You expect me to remember things from fic to fic? This isn't even a multi-parter! Tankorr: I must go now... Jetstorm: Hold up. You're pretty cool now. Why don't you come watch Pokémon with us? Tankorr: I have things to do that are KEY to my plans... Thrust: Say what? Tankorr: I am plotting my VECTOR of escape as we speak. NickBee: Huh? Tankorr: I cannot reveal all to you! What do I look like, an ORACLE? Jetstorm: What the hell is he talking about? Tankorr: I need to go fake my own death and reprogram the diagnostic drone, now. Goodbye! </flashback> Jetstorm: I can't think of where he might have gone, my liege. Megatron: I see... yeeessss... Jetstorm: Your army will shine less... wait, what am I saying?! Megatron: Fortunately, I have prepared for such a contingency. Yeesssss... Jetstorm: Let's not forget your last attempt to replace him when he went AWOL. <flashback> Megatron: Arise, Tankorr! Tankorr: Me am here! Me Grimlock smash-- Megatron: Ah ha ha ha! No no, my friend. Your name is *Tankorr.* Tankorr, remember? Yessss... Tankorr: Me Tankorr am transformed! Megatron: No! "Tankorr, PULVERIZE!" Yessss... Tankorr: Me am confused... </flashback> Megatron: Yesssss... that didn't quite work, did it? Noooo... Thrust: And then you sent us after the Maximals. <flashback> Our friendly Maximals are enjoying a mid-evening picnic and telling stories of old atop a structure shaped like Kryten's head. Rattrap: ...and that's when old chopper-face flicked a little speck of dino-meat off his teeth! Nightscream: That's disgusting! Blackarachnia stares up at the night sky. Diagnostic Drone: <high in orbit, next to Unicron's head> Gotta... push... head into... position... for... nighttime shot! Blackarachnia: Weird... Rattrap: What was that, webs? Blackarachnia: ... doesn't anyone ever notice how it's always nighttime around here? Primal: <wearing his shades> How do you mean? Blackarachnia: You do realize you look just like... oh, never mind... Cheetor: Optimus, get back into beast mode! You'll endanger the mission! Primal: Yeah yeah, whatever. Cheetor: Optimus, you obviously aren't feeling well. You're going to get us all killed. I think it's time I took over. Primal: Sure, knock yourself out, kid. Blackarachnia: Perhaps you should listen to Cheetor, Optimus, we don't want to attract any-- Cheetor: Vehicons! The three Vehicon leaders enter the scene in a completely unnecessary anime-esque clip. Nightscream: Here we go again. We get to fight the Vehicons and escape without a scratch on us. Rattrap: Speak for yourself, wings. Rattrap MAXIMIZE! Nightscream: Ulp. Not again... Cheetor jumps onto one of the Vehicons Cheetor: I got Tankorr! Blackarachnia: No, he's mine! Rattrap: Shouldn't you be off waxing Thrust's rigid grill structure? Primal covers Rattrap's mouth. Primal: Rattrap, please! Not in front of the boy! Nightscream: Hey, who are you calling a boy?! Rattrap shoots him in the kneecap. Nightscream: Ow! Rattrap: Heh heh heh. Cheetor: Hey guys, check me out! Tankorr to careens wildly all over the top of the building, with Cheetor holding on fast. Cheetor: What do you say I send him over the edge? Primal: Cheetor, no! This is Tankorr's replacement! We can't make him look bad on his first mission! Cheetor: <whining> But, Optimuuus! You said I could be in charge until you got your strength back! Primal: Really Cheetor, I'm feeling fine. Cheetor: BUT I WANNA PUSH TANKORR OVER THE EDGE! Rattrap: Shut up, Hot Rod. Cheetor: I AM NOT HOT ROD! Tankorr: Tankorr SMASH cat-bot! Tankorr's gun careens wildly, knocking Cheetor off the building. Nightscream goes to save Cheetor, and Rattrap shoots him in the wing. Nightscream: Ow! What'd you do that for? I was trying to save Cheetor! Rattrap: Eh... oops? Primal: Forget about that, the Vehicons have priority! Optimus smashes Thrust and Jetstorm together and throws them at Tankorr. Thrust: Were are my legs? Why can't I feel my legs?! Nightscream: You don't have any legs, just a stupid a wheel, duh. Thrust: <dazed> Richie? Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the face. Nightscream: No! My beautiful nose! Primal: I can't deal with that now! </flashback> Megatron: Yessss... I mean NO! That is all over with. I have created a new general, even more powerful than Tankorr! Yessss... NickBee: You said "Yessss" twice in the same sentence. Megatron: Silence! Yesssss... Vehicons. Meet your new comrade... Mr. Bamt! A mole tank rolls out onto the floor. Vehicons: Huh?! NickBee: Cool beans! Mr. Limpet! Megatron: No, you organic cretin! Mr. Bamt! NickBee: That's what I said. Megatron: Yes, ah, Mr. Bamt? Transform and show them what you've got! Yessss... Mr. Bamt pops, whizzes, and whirrs, and finally transforms. Thrust: Dear Primus! NickBee: It's hideous! Jetstorm: It's even uglier than Bulbasaur's naughty bits! All: ... Jetstorm: What? Mr. Bamt: apologize......apologize to me right now.......to my face! NickBee: Sure thing kid... uh... where is it? Mr. Bamt: look at you........you are all acting like little eight-year olds! Megatron: Vehicons! I order you to take Mr. Bamt to complete his first task: destroy the Maximals once and for all! Thrust: You always say that. Megatron: Perhaps, but this is a new episode. Circumstances are bound to fall in our favor. Yessss... Mr. Bamt: I won't behave......YOU behave! Megatron: Er, yeessss. Mr. Bamt will control Tankorr's drones. Now, be gone! And don't come back if you fail! I really really mean it this time! Yessss... <Somewhere on the surface> Cheetor: Man, how do they find us? Blackarachnia: It's not hard, considering you strut around in robot mode all day. Cheetor: Well duh. Do you know how hard is it to eat pie with cat feet? Rattrap: Man oh man, we're surrounded, there's no way out! Cheetor: I say we make a run for it! Nightscream: Where to? There are dozens of drones in the sky, and three times as many on the ground. Rattrap: Rattrap, Maximize! Rattrap shoots Nightscream. Rattrap: Shut up. Primal: We don't have time for that! Maximals, transform! The Maximals transform, except for Rattrap, who again has avoided a continuity error. Nightscream: If that's what you want to call it. Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing. Primal: Where is Blackarachnia? Rattrap: Eh, she's still not back from recovering Silverbolt. Nightscream: If that's what you want to call it. Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing. Nightscream: Ow! Rattrap: You just aren't going to learn, are you kid? <Nearby> Jetstorm: Mr. Bamt! What are you doing? Attack with your drones! Mr. Bamt: no...... Thrust: What? We need you to close in on the Maximals! Mr. Bamt: apologize..........apologize for everything that you ever said to me..............and i'll slag the maximals. NickBee: I'm sorry! I was Mr. Happy Meal! Jetstorm: Say what? NickBee: I didn't say that, honest! He made me do it! Mr. Bamt: did not........listen kiddie.......why don't you go to a planet that wants you........this planet needs to be saved............and i'm saving it! Jetstorm: >GASP!< he sounds just like Tank-- All: ... Jetstorm: I mean Megatron. Yeah... that's the ticket. Mr. Bamt: apologize........and i will forget everything you ever did to me........ Jetstorm: Oh get real, we don't owe you any apology! You've been acting childish ever since you came online! Mr. Bamt: i give up on you...............i'm leaving for a better place. Mr. Bamt engages his thrusters and disappears into the night sky. Primal: Maximals, attack! Vehicons: Uh oh. <Back at Megatron's place of perpetually dead people> Megatron: You guys suck! I should dismantle the lot of you. Yessss... Jetstorm: It's not our fault, sir. Uh, sir... why are you wearing a blonde wig? Megatron: Hmm? Oh, my drone told me it was in fashion this time of the year. Yessss... Diagnostic Drone: Fool, I will crush you and Primal with my bare hands! Tankorr: <into drone's communication link> No! Don't say that! Drone: I mean, "cool, that Pikachu is playing with Misty's cans." Jetstorm: Really? Where? Tankorr: Idiot. Megatron: Where did Mr. Bamt go? Yesssss... <High in orbit> Mr. Bamt: apologize........right now! Unicron: ... Mr. Bamt: you are immature........argh!!! |