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Jul. 7th, 2004 @ 10:56 am (no subject)
Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

Category Unknown
You don't fit into any of the above categories, so perhaps before you get angry or confused, check what other religion(s) you scored the highest on. For example, you might be a Christian-Pagan, or a Discordian-Wiccan. Just use a bit of logic. However, according to this test, you're simply 100% YOU. You don't fit into any of the world's boxes.
issues from my past
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Jul. 7th, 2004 @ 08:50 am (no subject)
MY JOURNAL IS FRIENDS ONLY, NOW...
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Jul. 7th, 2004 @ 08:25 am A shot to the nutz... I know some who have them
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: fight fire with fire ~ metallica

If said person who continues to harass me did not care what I said, than he would not keep having his friends and creating new lj's to bother me.

To your friend, I don't just get over it, I have major depression and general anxiety disorder, so it was terrible of her or him to tell to get over it, it I could I would not be sick.

Last I recall trans-gender identity disorder is a mental illness... There are many things that I wish I could change, but I can't so I learn to accept who I am...

My journal, If I don't like someone then I will write it, How can I attempt to express it personally because the man in question would have his girlfriend defending him, thus teaming up against me.

I am not the petty one, I don't write anything on their journals, in fact, I never wrote anything that would constitute malice intent... I said I don't like said man and that is all... recall my freedom of speech, I do...

Here is the *hint,* leave me alone and I will stop writing about you, but if you have get the last word in, then I can filibuster all day long.

I've been through alot of bad things in my life, most people don't take the time to know me, ie a certain male, for he will always be genetically male and possible mentally ill for the rest of his life.

I talk to people that know you and are not your friends... they told me that your personality is much like Tr** D....

I've lived all of my life with people belittling me, putting me down, and using me... I have skin like an elephant now, say what you will, I won't be hurt by you or your friends ever again... I am a survivor, like Frankenstein's monster I can move to a safer place. but I don't hide from people that cannot handle what I have to say.

technically this is a public forum, but someone would not read my journal if they did not know me, so you chose to read my journal, where I express my personal thoughts, so yeah, I will say what I want because this is my way of tell MY friends how I feel. You chose, thus your fault because I do not post it on your journal... so who's bad, not me...

*hint again* leave me alone (said people know who they are)...
issues from my past
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Jul. 6th, 2004 @ 08:25 am (Warning) The Gloves come off...
Current Mood: enraged
Current Music: Don't tread on me ~ Metallica

I would like to warn all my Live journal friends that I am about to express and defend my feelings toward Erin and her Girlfriend Rachel...

So you finally take the time to read my Journal, I guess that is good, but I need to say that I have every right to say what ever I like on here. This journal is an expression of how I feel inside, whether I am depressed or I don't like a person.

Erin, you have been a good friend to me in the past, but since the break up with Chris over a year ago, you have changed. In some good ways, like being more assertive. However, you have been more demanding...

Erin you may not like what I have said about you on "MY" journal, but as far as my perspective, which in my case is the right one, since this is my journal... Yes, you have been everything that I mentioned. But that does not mean you are a completely "bad" person, just not the same person I grew to respect.

Rachel, I have the right to judge your character as far as it pertains to me. You have done some nice things for me, but honestly I don't like your attitude. First off, I am not sure if you feel that I am after Erin, because there are NO feelings there. Second, I have all the right in the world to say what I like on "MY" journal. Remember online journals are not for someone to be all nice, NO, it is a place where I can say what is on my mind. You might have liked it more if I wrote it in a private journal, but when I feel hurt or angry, I want to get it out of my emotional system... I am not self-righteous, I have made mistakes and offended people. Yet, in the case of you and Erin, I feel I expressed myself in the most accurate way possible... Not everyone can be friends (Erin).

I Don't have to like all of your friends (Erin), For it is not right of you to attempt to force me into doing so... Frankly, Rachel is like Trae... If you can see that then you too are blind. Their attitudes (Trae and Rachel) are very elitist, So Erin if you do not understand me now, you never will...

Good bye to the both of you...

Ps If anyone else reads this, I would like to apologize now. I did not like how they reacted to "MY" journal. I will post their comments... I don't want to lose any of my lj friends because of my retort... please try to be understanding of me, Thank you...

~Dustin~
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Jul. 1st, 2004 @ 08:32 am (no subject)
issues from my past
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Jul. 1st, 2004 @ 08:27 am (no subject)
My Best Friend is [info]claus72041
Our 9 common interests are: art, books, death, depression, gothic, music, mythology, philosophy, suicide
Who is your best friend?
Username:
Created by [info]macoto
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Jun. 28th, 2004 @ 09:13 pm (no subject)
Your score is
26/50
what does that mean?
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest...Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.
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Jun. 24th, 2004 @ 08:14 am (no subject)
Recipe For Your Cocktail by theatrenerd48
Screename
First you take...Bourbon
Mix it with some...Chocolate Syrup
and...Vanilla Bean
Serve with...an orange wedge
In aBucket
Your drink makes people feel...soothed
At a Bar your drink costs$14
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
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Jun. 23rd, 2004 @ 08:12 am My bud, Justin, is talking again....
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: Don't eat the yellow snow ~ Frank Zappa

I called Justin yesterday evening because I was totally bored and I wanted hear from him. We had a decent conversation, He is less stressed, or at least he seems that way. Things between him and his love MaryBeth are going quite well, I am so happy for the two of them, I think they make a lovely couple. Anyways, after I talked with him, I felt alot bettter... He said that we should hang out sometime soon, cool beans, haven't really hung with him since Dodgeball the movie, but we didn't have much time to talk. I am so glad that we talked though, I miss hearing from him, he is truly an awesome person with a honest and deep felt heart. Thanks ~J~...
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Jun. 22nd, 2004 @ 08:07 am My cave of isolation...
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: two is better than one...

Hello everyone,

I am just out of it, I really don't like living alone anymore. Last night I was totally lonely and didn't have anyone to visit or call. I just threw on my head phones and listen to music, while staring at the darkness wishing my life was nothing more than a bad dream. I thought about calling my friend Erin, but I really don't like her Girlfriend/boyfriend (transsexual)... Rachel (Ben) totally bad mouthed my company that I am a part of, after some friends and I tried to explain the company (paid to Purchase... on my links site)to Erin and her/him. I don't have anything against transsexuals, however I think Rachel's personality is crap (she/he is just like Erin's last boyfriend Trae and I didn't like him either). Whenever I tried to be a friend to her/him, she/he would belittle me; Rachel acted superior to me and took almost every chance to demean my intellect.

I know that when Erin reads this, it may spell an end to our friendship, but I need to let the truth out. Erin this is why I don't really call or visit because of your lover (who treats my like I'm shit). Of course if you wanted to know about this you would have called me, but you don't...

Sorry, I digress, I haven't dated in the last three years... one reason is I don't think I am good enough for any woman anymore. I mean I am not a model by any means. If lumberjacks were the in thing, I would be a hot item. Plus, I have an unique personality, which is hard to categorize. The last girl friend I had only wanted to have sex all the time. Meanwhile, I was dying from the stomach flu, she kept talking about sex or sexual innuendos all the time. I told her that I am not a sex machine, in fact I like foreplay much more than sex itself. Well, we didn't last long and I told myself that I am going to focus on getting through school. I don't think people need to be in relationships in order to be happy. I know I need to be happy first, before being with the woman I love (which I haven't found yet). I got to go... writing about being lonely is seriously depressing the hell out of me...

take care to all of my friends... thank you for being there and supporting me.
*Hugs to all of you*
~D~
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Jun. 21st, 2004 @ 11:41 am (no subject)
Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:Shovel
Your Favorite Target:Televangelists
Your Kill Count:1,332,128,352
Your Battle Cry:"Yo mama!"
Years You Spend in Jail:46
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:$106,041,520,865,073
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 86%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
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Jun. 21st, 2004 @ 11:39 am (no subject)
RPG or Anime Character by ChaoticSoul
Your Name
SpeciesNeko-Hanyou(Half CatDemon)
Hair ColorGreen w/ Black Tips
Eye ColorBlack
PersonalitySmart
Weapon/PowerLance
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
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Jun. 21st, 2004 @ 11:34 am (no subject)
Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:Machete
Your Favorite Target:Penguins
Your Kill Count:1,763,152,810
Your Battle Cry:"Beans."
Years You Spend in Jail:32
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:$184,301,552,554,166
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 96%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
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Jun. 14th, 2004 @ 11:05 am Nightmares...
Current Mood: exanimate
Current Music: Tied to the whipping post ~ Frank Zappa (verison)

I wish I could live in the world of my dreams... well, usually that is. I had a series of nightmares last night involving my former home where I was raised as a youth. Something to do with spirits haunting the house and attempting to accost me. Then I had a dream where I told my old wrestling coach to F**k off and tried to join my college hockey team, which is funny because I have never ice skated before in my life and I am not a hockey fan.

Finally, I was dreaming that I was on my death bed and there was no one at my side to comfort me. Suddenly, I find myself dwelling on all my flaws. I keep thinking, what am I doing wrong. Why can I not find a woman to be with, it must be something I am doing wrong or something wrong with me.

I realize that I don't have that many pics of me after pre-adolescence. I feel my beauty faded quite fast after I grew up. Then again, it doesn't help that my mother hounds me about becoming a parent and I should be married by now. I try to tell her that I am a first generation college student, thus I am exploring a world that no one else in my family has dared to go. I do not feel that being a parent would be productive in trying to secure a future. Also, as F**ked up as my genetic structure is, I don't think being a parent would be healthy for my child. Thus I adopt sometime in the future.

Weekend blew, should have stayed home, but I guess I am trying to be more social. I am noticing that I am having more and more trouble controlling my thoughts and identity. I sometime feel I am some kind of robot, as if I am the mind trapped in the body. Argh...

I just want to tear my face off and kill this body, I honestly wish for death so I can be release from this terrible world. "oh, you should eat better and exercise..." F**K NO, I am trying to kill myself very slowly. Hmm... maybe I should just inject glucose directly into my veins...because I feel totally and utterly worthless. Yeah, I'm in college, but I am here more because it keeps me from being homeless.

Sorry to anyone who reads this, I am totally out of it... I don't normal overreact like this, but for some reason I don't care today... I need to get some good rest and sleep. I also think about this, why should anyone care about me, when I don't care about myself. I feel so so alone...
issues from my past
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Jun. 10th, 2004 @ 09:55 am Help me...lol.
vincentgiovanni's LJ stalker is erinemily!
erinemily is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also mentally deranged!


LiveJournal Username:


LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com
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Jun. 10th, 2004 @ 08:50 am Where am I???
Current Mood: weird
Current Music: sweating bullets ~ megadeth

Last night... Hmmm, I honestly have to admit I didn't know where the F**k I was. I decided to go to bed at midnight, because today is my last day of summer interim classes (so don't fret, I will be back monday to start my normal summer classes, until August 6th that is). I digress, I turned off the lights, put on my headphones(listening to the new Bad Religion cd "Empire Strikes First"), and lay in the darkness staring at the bleak ceiling.

I don't know what happened, but I totally forget where I was and who I was. It felt like the room was spinning, yet it wasn't. I saw the light peek through the window and kept trying to remind myself who the hell I was. I became somewhat freaked out because there are times when this happens and I hate losing control of my self identity.

Has Anyone experienced this kind of thing before???
issues from my past
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Jun. 9th, 2004 @ 10:24 am Big men can cry too...
Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: let them eat war ~ Bad Religion

Yesterday my Kins. 186 class went like shit. The class was talking about diabetes and I started to lose it. My professor kept reinforcing the fact that once a diabetic, always a diabetic. I felt so crushed, I wanted to run out of the room and ball my eyes out in the mens restroom. However, I realized that I sat in the back of the room, so as long as no one turned to look at me... I should be able to make it through the class. First there was one tear, then another... I've cried in public before, but for some reason I didn't want to make a scene in class. I kept thinking...take a deep breath, you'll be okay, Dustin.

If that wasn't bad enough, the professor turns on the lights and decides he wants to give some advice to the class. He says things like watch your weight, eat right and exercise. Of course he is mainly saying this for my sake, because I may be muscular, yet, I could effort to lose some weight. I thought you F**king a**hole, why do I always have to be your target in this wellness and fitness class. What am I your only student, come on, get off your high horse, not everyone can be like you.

So, I went home and listened to my new Bad religion album and enjoyed a bottle of red lager. I then started to laugh and said, "hey, pro these simple carbs are for you, you B*stard!"
issues from my past
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Jun. 2nd, 2004 @ 11:00 am If I were an atom, I would have energy...
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: Hurt ~NIN

I feeling much better now, but I am so sick of summer school. I want my summer vacation, yet I go to school to get out of school, hmm go figure.

I just don't want to do anything... I quite my job on campus as a tutor, but I still want to help, so I am now on call only. It wasn't that great because I am tutoring infinite math, which serves no real purpose. I may get a job in tutoring psych stats, which I find much more interesting.

I am still struggling to get past the first chapter of my novel that I am writing, "Waking Up Dead." I just need to be in the right mood to write it and well I'm not there...

I haven't spoken with my friend Greg since the female bashing fest... Don't get me wrong, he is a nice guy, but sometimes a little too opinionated.

I cannot sleep at night, so for the past week I've been like a zombie. I am so numb, it's not even funny anymore. Well I will write more later... take care everyone.
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Jun. 1st, 2004 @ 11:45 am If tears could make rivers...
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: Go cry on somebody else's shoulder ~ Frank Zappa

Hi, it's me again... thus I thought I would give you a warning: What you're about to read is Dustin's self-destructive moaning and all round depressed attitude. This concludes his warning.

My weekend sucked, if it sucked anymore I would be a vacuum. Sunday I went over to a mutual friend of mine for a cook out. Well for all those here in WI, it rained and rained, so yeah grilling was not the best. However, I didn't know that the day would turn into We hate women fest. Greg and his friend Nate began talking about how women seem to always betray them. Plus, they said that men can never trust women for when he does, her sets himself up to be hurt. I tried not to listen to their comments, but it was hard because when I am sad or upset or even tired (like on Sunday) I do feel like they do. So, I told Nate the story about Molly (Jackson), the girl I started to like from my Psych stat class and Physics ckass that Nate, Molly, and I had last semester. She didn't do anything to hurt me, in fact she was always nice to me, but when I found out that she has a boyfriend 1/2 hour before my last and most important final (psych stats), boy I was deflated. See I'm the kind of man that doesn't hit on a woman or if she is in a relationship, the most I will ever be to her is a friend. I don't believe in trying to steal another person's love.

Yet the women bashing last far into the evening, you would think men my age would have more to do than complain about women. I guess not. Then Nate and Greg played Halo all night, while I read a book (Johnny got his Gun). I just don't like Halo or the X-box per say.

This morning I decided to check my live journal and read how my friends were doing. Suddenly, I just wanted to cry, not sure why, I mean I am tired from not being able to sleep last night. Yet, I've been so depressed I didn't clean my apartment like I planned to last night or even leave the place. I've been isolating myself a lot, I'm afraid that no matter where I go, I will still feel like human feces. I'm glad my LJ friends are supportive of my feelings... A shout out to Cheerupemokidx, Iwillimprove, and Skylark777... they really helped me from not making a stupid mistake i.e. suicide. I'm feeling better as I write this, thus no one has to see a large man cry as I like to say when I'm joking with others.

I hope everyone takes care of themselves, I will be back soon with hopefully something better to write about.

:: This message will now self-destruct... in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... damn, just kidding::
issues from my past
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May. 26th, 2004 @ 04:31 pm Running... the only place I'm going to run is straight to *%$$#@ (Hell)...
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Handshake ~ Bad Religion

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... I know running is good for you and will help you live longer, but I want to die young. I ran in Kins 186 class today and I thought I was going to die right there. All the while my friend Chris zooms past me; he was encouraging, but (or Butt) fuck I could not keep up. About a third of the way into the 1-1/2 mi., my right calf cramps up. Shit, I tried to stretch it out before and during the run, but hell no it wouldn't comply.

After the grueling 25 mins. of my life ever lost, I went for a forced cool down walk. Suddenly, I noticed my right foot go numb... first thing I thought was, "great, I'm 26 and finally on a path to a better life and now I'm going to die from either a stroke or heart attack."

I would like to leave this world with something for people to remember me by; I don't want them to think, Poor Dustin, He's finally at peace, after living a rather tragic life. You can rest now my friend.

I'm trying to make an appointment to see the doctor to make sure that my diabetes and blood pressure are in check. Well, what can you get from a lazy and depressed FAT man... I would say almost nothing... but hey its only my opinion.
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